But how do you expect your child to accept the realities of life of not getting what she wants? Do you expect her to “sit there and grin and bear it?” Do you expect her to say, “Ok, mommy, I understand and I won’t cry about it”?

Even adults can’t accept the realities of life that way, how much less for a child?

By providing an alternative for your child is not to appease or reward him. Notice I never suggest buying a child a toy to stop his tantrums. I suggest bringing his favorite cuddly toy with you to provide comfort. We could all use a little love and kindness when we experience disappointments in life.

I hope that makes sense. Everyone has a different personality. What works for one certainly may not work for another.

Going to a toy store with a child and telling him to behave is just torture in the same way.

So in that sense we can anticipate our children’s behavior. We know what triggers them. We know going shopping at the mall for clothing is not the activity of choice for a child. She’s going to get cranky after an hour and will need a snack and a play time. We can adjust our schedule and bring snacks along to avert her crankiness.

We often place a child in an adult situation and expect her to act like an adult. That is just not fair for a child. Of course we still have to do our shopping at the mall, but prepare in advance that it may be aggravating for the child. It’s not that she is a bad child. She is just not yet mature enough to handle such adult environments. You can bring snacks along and adjust your schedule to shop for one hour instead of two.

I wouldn’t describe that type of an adjustment makes you a prisoner.
When we have children, it is inevitable our lives change dramatically. I don’t wear dry-clean-only clothes. To insist on wearing them and trying to teach my child not to touch me with gooey hands is like trying to teach my bunny not to jump.

We don’t take the family to fancy restaurants that are not kid friendly. We go to Denny’s intead. We adjust our behavior for all kinds of situations. It doesn’t make me a prisoner when I am doing my job as a mother.

(btw, I go to the fancy restaurants when I get a sitter for the kids. Lots of freedom then!)