Living with my mother-in-law
June 24th, 2008 / 4 Comments
My mother-in-law lives with us.
You read it right. My mother-in-law lives with us.
My father-in-law passed away of cancer about 10 years ago, and she has been living with us for about that long now.
What is your reaction when you read this? People usually think I am either a martyr or a saint.
But the truth is, I am merely motivated by selfishness.
Here is what I gain with my mother-in-law living with me:
1. My children get Chinese food and Chinese culture from her that they would not get from me.
2. My children benefit from being in a multi-generational household. There is something to be said of experiences in life that young people can learn from.
3. My children have a doting grandma who makes them their favorite food anytime they want it.
4. My children experiences the bigger definition of a family, an extended family.
5. My children learn to accommodate and respect older people.
What do I personally get out of it?
The nicer I am to my mother-in-law, the nicer my children will be to me when I am old!
I am setting the example how relationships with their elders are to be. There is no better way for me to teach my children how to treat me when I am old than to have my mother-in-law live with us.
Now you see why I am selfish when I treat my mother-in-law well?
While I may not live with my children when I get old, I am confident that they feel a responsibility to take care of me.
But do I feel bothered by having my mother-in-law live with us?
When I feel a hint of that attitude and think that life is only about me, I remind myself of this story. I hope this will encourage you in your relationship with your in-laws.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old granddaughter.
The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The daughter-in-law could not stand the sight of him at the dinner table with them every night, so she set up a small table in the corner of the room.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
The four-year-old daughter watched it all in silence.
One day, the daughter-in-law was watching her daughter play with her dolls. Several dolls were set up around a short table eating play food.
“What are you playing?” the mother asked.
“I am playing house,” replied the little girl. “This is my husband, this is me, and these are my children eating dinner.”
The mother noticed a little table apart from the other dolls.
“And what is that table for?” she asked.
The daughter responded sweetly, “That’s where you and daddy will eat when you get old.”
Photo by Shayan
Comments
omigosh - I am LOVING the new look around here!!
Great post - it also reminds me of another story, very similar. Except instead of a separate table, he had a wooden bowl because he kept accidentally dropping his dish.
Until the parents found their daughter working on something and she happily said she was making *their* wooden bowls.
lol - every time we go house hunting, Hubz and I are always looking at the option of having an extra room or guest suite for my parents - maybe even a casita. Nice!!
Dette: Thanks for noticing the new theme!
Bless you for preparing for your parents so they know they are wanted.
This is my life too! My mother-in-law lives with us, in a part of the house that’s set up as a semi-detached apartment for her. We receive the same benefits, except without the Chinese food and culture. She too lost her husband to cancer, but about 14 years ago, and has lived with us for ten years.
The other benefit we receive is that when we run out of milk, we just steal hers.
That story is just horrible. I hope it’s fiction, but in fact I can imagine it happening. I think teachign kids empathy is crucial for their development into fully human beings.
Pete: I am glad I am not alone! You are a great dad.
Leave A Comment