Comments on: Living with my mother-in-law http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/ Raising Good Kids Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:12:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: IAFN / itsafullnest.com http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2471 IAFN / itsafullnest.com Sun, 11 Jul 2010 00:05:46 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2471 My MIL has been living with us for about 3 years and so far so good. Boundaries are a MUST - and it is my hubby's responsibility to "handle" my MIL if things are getting nutty. We've had some "level 1" issues and nipped those in the bud right away (e.g. being sarcastic with the 11 year old, favoring the younger child, no over-night guests...). Out of respect I have my hubby work things out, if need be, with his mom. BUT, my MIL and I have had our conversations as well. Often email works best so she can read and hear me - and then read again...and then a face-to-face conversation to work it out. I had a good relationship with my MIL before she moved in and we've worked out the kinks since she's moved in. It's ongoing. The pros outweigh the cons. K of IAFN My MIL has been living with us for about 3 years and so far so good.

Boundaries are a MUST – and it is my hubby’s responsibility to “handle” my MIL if things are getting nutty.

We’ve had some “level 1″ issues and nipped those in the bud right away (e.g. being sarcastic with the 11 year old, favoring the younger child, no over-night guests…).

Out of respect I have my hubby work things out, if need be, with his mom. BUT, my MIL and I have had our conversations as well. Often email works best so she can read and hear me – and then read again…and then a face-to-face conversation to work it out.

I had a good relationship with my MIL before she moved in and we’ve worked out the kinks since she’s moved in. It’s ongoing. The pros outweigh the cons.

K of IAFN

]]> By: smoss http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2297 smoss Thu, 13 May 2010 21:44:11 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2297 Jane, I would love to get your e-mail address. Maybe it would help if we could vent to each other. It is really tough sometimes. I understand. Jane,
I would love to get your e-mail address. Maybe it would help if we could vent to each other. It is really tough sometimes. I understand.

]]> By: Jane http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2269 Jane Mon, 10 May 2010 02:52:51 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2269 My mother in law & father in law live with us too. It's driving me absolutely crazy. I feel sick just thinking about her. She is a selfish, manipulative slob. We jointly purchased our home and it's the worst possible situation to be in. Now we can't afford to separate. I'm stuck with her telling people I don't know how to raise my child. God help me. My mother in law & father in law live with us too. It’s driving me absolutely crazy. I feel sick just thinking about her. She is a selfish, manipulative slob. We jointly purchased our home and it’s the worst possible situation to be in. Now we can’t afford to separate. I’m stuck with her telling people I don’t know how to raise my child. God help me.

]]> By: Katy http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2258 Katy Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:14:53 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2258 smoss, you're right, it's definitely not easy to deal with family relationships. You sound very mature for 21. Thanks for sharing your story. I didn't think you were harsh, the truth is truth. Definitely ok to vent here. Nothing in life is wasted and God will somehow use this for good. smoss, you’re right, it’s definitely not easy to deal with family relationships. You sound very mature for 21. Thanks for sharing your story. I didn’t think you were harsh, the truth is truth. Definitely ok to vent here.

Nothing in life is wasted and God will somehow use this for good.

]]> By: smoss http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2257 smoss Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:28:22 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2257 Katy I do understand that your mother in law lives with you but situations are different. I do have to say that the story about the little girl inspired me to try to be a better person toward her. I don't want to become bitter. Sometimes you just have to vent. :-) Katy I do understand that your mother in law lives with you but situations are different. I do have to say that the story about the little girl inspired me to try to be a better person toward her. I don’t want to become bitter. Sometimes you just have to vent. :-)

]]> By: smoss http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2256 smoss Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:03:26 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2256 Katy, I read over my comment now and it does sound harsh. You just can't understand what it is like to go through this. You also have to remember it's not just my decision it is my husband's too. It's easy to sit on the sidelines and say what you would do in a situation like this but when you are actually there it's not that easy. Katy,
I read over my comment now and it does sound harsh. You just can’t understand what it is like to go through this. You also have to remember it’s not just my decision it is my husband’s too. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and say what you would do in a situation like this but when you are actually there it’s not that easy.

]]> By: Katy http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2255 Katy Fri, 30 Apr 2010 01:54:26 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2255 smoss, if you hope your kids will kick you out if you were like that, why don't you kick your MIL out? It seems reasonable since she is only 49 and capable of working. You are not helping her if you are enabling her. smoss, if you hope your kids will kick you out if you were like that, why don’t you kick your MIL out? It seems reasonable since she is only 49 and capable of working. You are not helping her if you are enabling her.

]]> By: smoss http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2254 smoss Thu, 29 Apr 2010 18:06:46 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2254 What about when your mother-in-law is an ex-junky bum who is capable of working but does nothing but lay on the couch all day while I work to support her. I am very glad that you had a good experience with your mother-in-law but I have not. The only thing in life that matters to her is her methadone. Why do I sound so angry? Because I am only 21 years old and she is 49. My husband and I have never had a single night to ourselves and she doesn't care. All I can say is that if I act like her when I am her age I hope that my kids will kick me out. If she was elderly and honestly needed the help I would understand and lovingly take care of her but there are different situations. What about when your mother-in-law is an ex-junky bum who is capable of working but does nothing but lay on the couch all day while I work to support her. I am very glad that you had a good experience with your mother-in-law but I have not. The only thing in life that matters to her is her methadone. Why do I sound so angry? Because I am only 21 years old and she is 49. My husband and I have never had a single night to ourselves and she doesn’t care. All I can say is that if I act like her when I am her age I hope that my kids will kick me out. If she was elderly and honestly needed the help I would understand and lovingly take care of her but there are different situations.

]]> By: Katy http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2088 Katy Sat, 05 Dec 2009 19:11:09 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2088 Garciam, if your MIL is capable of living by herself, then I think she should. If your husband really wants her to live you guys, then he has to give you full support and set up the guidelines for a harmonious relationship. My MIL and I are not buddies, but we get along with a cordial relationship because we chose to stay out of each other's way. She does her thing, I do mine. Some people may be bff with their MIL, but that is not an expectation I want to put on myself. Garciam, if your MIL is capable of living by herself, then I think she should. If your husband really wants her to live you guys, then he has to give you full support and set up the guidelines for a harmonious relationship.

My MIL and I are not buddies, but we get along with a cordial relationship because we chose to stay out of each other’s way. She does her thing, I do mine. Some people may be bff with their MIL, but that is not an expectation I want to put on myself.

]]> By: Garciam http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/2008/06/24/living-with-my-mother-in-law/comment-page-1/#comment-2087 Garciam Sat, 05 Dec 2009 14:52:06 +0000 http://www.adventuresinparenting.org/?p=338#comment-2087 I wish I could be as grateful as all of you. My mother in law lives with us just because, she is perfectly capable of having her own place at this time, she just doesn't. It's currently taking it's toll on my marriage. We just bought our first house, instead of all 3 of us unpacking my mother had to come help me because my husband and mother in law would not. She refuses to unload the dishwasher "because she doesn't know where stuff goes" (and we've been there 3 months) She brought her 2 cats along with her on top of the 2 we had so I was the only one cleaning litterboxes until I blew up about that and now my husband is trying to make me feel guilty for her having a litterbox in her room when I never asked her to do that, I only asked for HELP. I still clean the main ones all by myself. Plus I get the constant "well I do it this way" I just feel like I'm bashing my ahead against a brick wall! Am I wrong for feeling this way??? I wish I could be as grateful as all of you. My mother in law lives with us just because, she is perfectly capable of having her own place at this time, she just doesn’t. It’s currently taking it’s toll on my marriage. We just bought our first house, instead of all 3 of us unpacking my mother had to come help me because my husband and mother in law would not. She refuses to unload the dishwasher “because she doesn’t know where stuff goes” (and we’ve been there 3 months) She brought her 2 cats along with her on top of the 2 we had so I was the only one cleaning litterboxes until I blew up about that and now my husband is trying to make me feel guilty for her having a litterbox in her room when I never asked her to do that, I only asked for HELP. I still clean the main ones all by myself. Plus I get the constant “well I do it this way” I just feel like I’m bashing my ahead against a brick wall! Am I wrong for feeling this way???

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