Adventures in Parenting

“My kids don’t talk to me.”

One of the main components of a relationship is communication. Ask any marriage counselor and they’ll say that lack of effective communication is one of the biggest problems in marriages.

You’d think that since we’ve known our kids all their lives and even live with them every single day of their lives, communication would be natural. But I have to say, it is not easy to have good communication with our children.

When there are problems in communication, it is usually not what we say. The content of what we say to our kids can be exactly as what their friends say to them. Yet they will listen to them and not to us, right?

Communication problems is really a problem in the relationship. A lack of communication hurts the relationship. And the cycle spirals downwards.

How can we bolster the relationship so our communication with our children can be enhanced?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Clear the air. When I notice my children are little aloof, I ask them honestly, “Have I done something that offended you or hurt you in some way?” “Yeah, mom. You ignored me when I asked you to help me with homework the other day.”

Oftentimes, I don’t even realize I’ve hurt them. I was probably just too busy blogging on the computer! Without offering any excuses, I apologize. “I’m so sorry. You are right. I wouldn’t like it if you did that to me. Will you forgive me?”

Clear the air once in a while so bitterness and resentment does not build up.

2. Be there. When my daughter calls me from college, I drop everything to talk to her!

I have to accept the fact that my kids are only in the mood to talk to me at their convenience, not mine. But as the parent, I willingly accommodate in order to use those opportunities to build our relationship.

Be there after school, be there in the evenings, be there when they call.

Don’t be too busy, too preoccupied, or too tired to talk when your kids are ready to talk to you.

3. Affirm often. The proverbial nagging mom in cartoons is not funny anymore. It’s too close to the truth! Do you think kids are more likely to talk to parents who are positive or who are negative? The answer is obvious, yet if we are negative, why do we expect our children to talk to us?

Give honest praise and affirmation often. “I’m proud of you.” “I love having you around.”

What other ways can you improve relationship and communication with your kids?

Photo by ThunderChild tim