Adventures in Parenting

“Mom, I saw him take another cookie!”

“Did you know what she did at school today?”

Parents are constantly dealing with irritants. Tattletaling is one of them that seems to be just annoying, but not serious.

However, tattletaling can develop into a bad habit and character flaw in our children.

My two older kids are close in age and were in the same school for most of their school years (ironically they are now at crosstown rivals – USC and UCLA!) It was tempting for me to ask one child how the other behaved at school. Tell me the details of what your brother did at recess!

As much as some information may be helpful for parents, tattletaling is not a good trait. Tattletaling is basically gossiping. It is often mean-spirited, done to put down someone else. Kids also tattletale to get revenge by getting someone in trouble. Tattletales like to have the inside information in order to make him/herself feel superior.

What do you do if your child is a tattletale?

A teacher friend of mine told me what she did when her first graders would tattletale on their classmates. She placed a stuffed bear in the corner of the room. Whenever someone comes to her to tell a tale of what so-and-so did at recess, she says, “I don’t want to hear it. Go tell it to the bear.” It works.

Here are 5 steps to help your child not be a tattletale:

1. Tell him to stop. As soon as he starts telling you some juicy tale, say, “Stop! I don’t want to hear it.” As much as you may want to hear it, and no matter why he thinks you should know, stop him in mid-sentence, go to step 2.

2. Tell him to go outside and tell it to the dog, or to the tree, or to the pole.

3. Tell him if he really wants to help his friend or sibling, he should go talk to the person about it instead of telling you or other people about it. Talking about another person is gossiping.

4. Tell him his true motives for tattletaling.  “Telling on other people makes you feel like you are better than they are, doesn’t it?” “Are you trying to get them in trouble to get back at them for something they did to you?” By exposing his true motive, you help him deal with the root of why he tattletales.

5. Tell him what it would be like if he was on the other end. “Would you like your brother to tattletale on you? What would you want me to do if your brother comes to me with a story about what you did?”

“A wise man’s heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.” Proverbs 16:23