Adventures in Parenting

Giving does not come naturally to me. My husband is much more generous. Maybe it’s because I have the motherly nesting instinct that goes along with the tendency to hoard. On the other hand, being a mother is  the biggest factor that has taught me to be more generous.

I knew that if I want my children to grow up as generous, giving people, I would first have to be an example. As I work on this area of my life, I realize that at the core, I am very selfish. How do I overcome this narrow-mindedness of thinking of myself first?

Here is what I am learning about overcoming selfishness, and what I try to teach my kids along the way:

1. If I wait till I “feel” like giving, I don’t think I ever will.  Giving is a decision and a commitment, i.e. making it a habit of writing a check for $___ every week for offering, rather than giving spontaneously when I feel moved.

2. Giving away old clothes and toys is just a start, but that’s not the true spirit of giving. Giving away what we don’t want does not require sacrifice. Work on giving away something that requires a bit more – your time and money, and new toys.

3. The initial feeling of giving can be painful. You might be thinking that $100 could buy you a new pair of shoes instead of giving it to the homeless shelter. Don’t let this hesitation stop you from giving. Remember point #1., and see point #4.

4. You really don’t need a new pair of shoes. Take stock of what you have. We have enough, more than enough. It’s much more satisfying to give away that $100.

5. You can never be too generous. Children in their innocence can be very generous, maybe too generous in our view. I’ve found that my kids teach me a lot, and often serve as my example.

The more we practice giving, the more we learn to be less selfish. And isn’t that something you would want your child to learn from you?

How do you overcome selfishness?