Adventures in Parenting

A few weeks ago I spoke at a family conference on the topic of disciplining our children. In the context of that topic, I explained the four parenting styles. Since there was quite a bit of interest on that topic, I am going to talk about it here in the next few posts.

If you google “four parenting styles”, you will find many good articles on this topic. Rather than repeating what’s already been written, let me just give a very brief summary, and than give you my perspective along with some practical examples.

Four parenting styles identified

Psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study (1967) and identified several important dimensions of parenting. Based on those, she suggested that the majority of parents fall into three different parenting styles.  Further research by Maccoby & Martin (1983) added a fourth parenting style, which makes it a nice even number.

The four parenting styles are Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved. We will go into more detail of each in succeeding posts.

Even though these are four nice and neat categories, human behavior are never so clearly divided. We most likely practice some of all four parenting style at one time or another, at various stages of our children’s lives, and a different style with each child.

However, we most likely have a tendency towards one of the four styles. Not all of our behaviors will fit the characteristic of that style, but overall, we can see ourselves gravitating towards one of the styles, especially when we are stressed and  reacting to our children in an emotionally charged situation.

Our parenting style is influenced by our parents

I’d like to first say that the type of parents we have, the way we were raised, has a great influence on the way we raise our own children. We might react to our parents’ style by doing the opposite, or we might emulate our parents’ style and follow their example.

I met a mother who grew up with very strict parents, authoritarian style. She felt deprived of freedom and enjoyment of life with friends. She told me that she vowed to raise her daughter differently. Indeed I saw her allowing her daughter to party and stay out late.

I myself grew up with a rather permissive mother. She trusted my decisions and gave me freedom to do a lot of things. I might add here that I  [almost] never abused the privileges and [most of the time] acted responsibly. I find that I follow a similar style, leaning more permissive than authoritarian.

In any case, the influence of our parents is sure. As we explain each parenting style, see if you can identify your parents’ parenting style. It will be instructive to understanding yourself. This has also helped me catch myself repeating the same mistake that my parents made with me!

No matter what your style,  there is no perfect parent.  As I always say, we are all striving to be better, not perfect.

Next post: Parenting style #1 – The Permissive Parent