I hear many teenagers tell me, “My parents only care about ________(fill in the blank with “my grades”, “not embarrassing them”, “keeping my room clean”, etc.). They don’t care about ME.”
What do they mean their parents don’t care about them?? I bet their parents would die for them. Yet that message doesn’t get across to [...]
Take a look back on your life; what were the circumstances that caused you to experience growth?
I remember in elementary school, I wanted a pair of boots, because all my friends had boots. But my mom said they were impractical and a waste of money (she was right of course). I cried and lamented for [...]
My friend asked for advice as a new mom.
There are volumes written on being a parent. But if I have to simplify it all down to 5 points, because no one likes to read a long post, here is the advice I would give to a mom.
Do these 5 concrete action items everyday. These are [...]
Are you like me who just doesn’t seem to have enough time for everything?
With the busy, busy, busy lifestyle of most families today, are you feeling pressured to be productive? I always feel that I should be getting things done, check an item off the list.
But do you consider spending time playing with your kids [...]
I had lunch with my 85-year-old dad today. It’s a treat for him to get the $5 Subway deal because he would not normally go there by himself. We split a chicken breast footlong on honey oat whole wheat. It came out to $4.99 with the “young man’s discount”, as the cashier phrased it.
Growing [...]
My son is now 21 and pretty much on his own. He rents his own apartment half an hour away from us, and he supports himself financially. I am thankful that he does come home weekly to attend our home church that he grew up in, and he [usually] stays to have Sunday dinner with [...]
Did you ever notice that people never say the present generation of kids are morally better than the previous generation? You never hear anyone say, “Kids today are much better behaved than when we were kids. Kids now are more respectful and polite than when I was growing up.”
No! We always hear comparison of the [...]
A missionary friend in Japan recently sent me this update about her son:
[My son] has gone on a Wilderness Camp with his 11th grade class…They hike and camp out in the open, in groups of 10, taking turns leading the group (with adult advisors). I had been praying for no rain, but also that if [...]
Yelling and screaming is not the kind of mom I wanted to be. But somewhere along the way, I’ve turned from sweet mild Katy to Angry Mom.
Every night I would apologize to my kids. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I am just tired.”
Being tired was always the reason, my excuse that I fall [...]
When parents ask me for advice for problems they are facing, they are hoping for the cure-all, a guarantee, a silver bullet that would make them the perfect parent with perfect kids in 3 easy steps.
Of course we know there is no such thing, but we keep hoping.
However, in order to satisfy the need for [...]
You know that I believe parents should be involved in the lives of their children. But is it possible to be over-involved?
The term helicopter parenting means over-involvement to the point of being controlling and not allowing for age-appropriate independence.
Here’s what I’ve seen parents do that I would describe as a helicopter parent:
- Doing things for [...]
I found it too easy to be sarcastic with kids.
An innocent question like “Can I have a cookie?” will provoke a sarcastic response from me. “It’s a free country….”
When I’ve had enough of 1st grade level conversation all day, I resort to sarcasm.
Kids don’t understand sarcasm, but I’m sure they understand the tone. It’s [...]
(Disclaimer for this post: This is addressed to married couples, not for single parents. If you are a single parent, I want you to know this is not meant to make you feel guilty. It’s written to encourage couples to build a good marriage.)
I admit, I am a better mom than I am a wife.
I [...]
While chatting with my mechanic, he mentioned being married for just a couple of years.
“Any kids?” I asked.
“No, we can’t afford them,” he replied.
Do kids costs that much?
In an affluent and commercialized society, we are bombarded by ads for $500 strollers, $50 infant outfits, $5 a jar of “organic” baby food.
At those prices, no one [...]
“My 11-year-old is disrespectful, talks back to us, and unmotivated in school. We’ve tried talking to her, giving her rewards and punishment, nothing seems to work. What should we do?”
I’ve been answering this parent’s question in the last two posts:
Dealing with difficult tween years
Our teenager is growing up and away!
I’ve stayed away from offering specific [...]
In the previous post, I started to address the question by a parent: “My 11-year-old is disrespectful, talks back to us, and unmotivated in school. We’ve tried talking to her, giving her rewards and punishment, nothing seems to work. What should we do?”
Here’s the 2nd part of the answer where I take a different [...]
Have you ever asked yourself why you wanted to be a parent?
“Why Did You Become a Parent?” That is the title of Chapter 2 in the book The Power of a Parent’s Words by Norm Wright. I took a class from Norm Wright a long time ago, he was an excellent teacher.
How would you answer [...]
Any time you get women together, there is always great food and heart-to-heart talking.
This summer, my friends and I have been getting together to go through the book The Frazzled Female, by Cindi Wood. Aside from the delectable food (despite the fact that we said this is not about the food!), I’ve felt refreshed after [...]
I had the perfect opportunity to lift up my daughter’s spirit and send her off to school with a positive attitude. But instead, a few words from me ruined her day.
My daughter just began high school this summer, taking biology in summer school (fun, I know!). It has been a challenge adjusting to a big [...]
With my oldest son, everything was a first – first to check out a preschool, if it’s good, the sisters will follow along later. First to enter kindergarten, first to go to one week of 6th grade science camp, first to go through the complicated process of choosing classes for high school, first to write [...]
Everybody talks about her even though they are sick of hearing about her.
Nadya Sulman just confirmed that she will be doing a television show with her 14 children. No surprise there. It’s suppose to be a documentary, not a reality show, where the TV crew only comes to film 6 times a year.  (Source: Life&Style)
I am not [...]
The Bible tells fathers not to irritate and provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6).
Children are naturally selfish, undisciplined and irrational. They want to play all the time, they don’t want to share, and they rarely act rationally.
It seems to me that to be a good parent, given the job of teaching our children to [...]
In the past, the society generally reinforced the values we parents try to teach to our children at home. Not so in today’s culture.
We teach our children modesty, the malls are selling tight sweaters and ultra low rise pants.
We teach our children abstinence from sex until marriage, the media shows sex as common as dinner [...]
“The whole idea of caring for children was to keep them from doing stupid, dangerous, wicked things that could not be undone, until they learned enough self-control and good judgment that they could be expected to make their own decisions.”
That did not come from a parenting book. It’s actually quoted on page 226 of the [...]
Myths often have a bit of truth about them, and that’s why we often buy into them.
The problem with living with myths is that we end up frustrated with expectations that do not become reality. We beat ourselves up for not having a Martha Stewart house, or not having a HGTV landscaped garden, or not [...]
A reader asked me how she can prepare for Baby #2. Is there anything she can do within the next few months before Baby #2 arrives, perhaps get her life organized in a way that will make it easier when she has to take care of 2 instead of 1?
My son and my daughter [...]
The day was hectic.
After I took the kids to school, I met with difficult clients, followed up with a frustrating transaction, and fought traffic coming home.
There was nothing for dinner. I was hungry, tired, and irritated. “Get out of my way so I heat up some leftovers!” I snapped. I shouldn’t even have tried to [...]
It’s still hard for me to believe that my son turned 21 a couple of weeks ago! It is true what they say, children DO grow up fast!
Time crawled when my kids were babies when all I saw were dirty diapers and midnight feedings. But time, though it may have seemed slow, does not stand [...]
A parent asked me, “How do I teach my children good values?”
Actually, teaching values to our children is both easy and hard.
It’s easy because you don’t have to do anything extraordinary or inconvenient. There are no books to buy, no conferences to attend.
But here’s the hard part. You are non-stop teaching your children values, whether [...]
One of the best gifts to give your children is a good marriage between you and your spouse. But it’s a common experience that after couples have children, they have less time for each other.
No doubt, children are demanding. We give them our time, energy, and affection. Then there’s nothing left for our spouse.
I am [...]
“Would you want to come home to yourself?”
That question changed my life.
Would I want to come home to hear myself nagging at me?
Would I want to come home to be criticized by me?
Would I want to come home to negativity, pestering, and meanness?
If I don’t want to come home to me, why would my children [...]
“Mom, can you help me with my science homework?”
I bring my laptop, my book, and mail to the dining room table so I can multitask while helping my daughter with homework.
“What question are you on?” I asked.
Answer email.
“What question was that again?”
Read a credit card offer.
“What did you say was the question?”
In an effort to [...]
“My kids don’t talk to me.”
You’d think that since we’ve known our kids all their lives and even live with them every single day of their lives, communication would be natural. But those very factors may work against us. Our children may have had too much of us! All we get is a grunt now [...]
I recently came across the story of Bill Havens. The name is not a familiar one, but he is a hero to me.
In 1924, Bill was set to go to the Olympic games in Paris to compete in the newly added sport canoeing. He was in fact favored to win the gold for the United [...]
“We have two chances at a parent-child relationship.”
This is one of the most significant lessons I learned from Dr. Laura.
I don’t always agree with Dr. Laura, but she got me between the eyes with this one.
As new immigrants to the United States, my parents had to work a lot. They never attended any of my [...]
On a rare occasion when I was cleaning up yesterday, I found a card written by my son in 2003. He was 15 years old at the time.
I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I read his words, written to Mom and Dad: “Thank you for always being there for me, being people I can trust, [...]
When Facebook.com opened up for anyone to join, several Facebook groups “against parents on Facebook” popped up with hundreds of members. It seems that the college students for whom the site was geared did not want to have their parents on Facebook.
Well, I am a parent and I’m on Facebook.
I think every parent should join [...]
I have this tendency to jump on my children and lecture them.
Yesterday, my daughter came home and says, “I’m tired.” This seemingly innocent remark set me off!
“You probably didn’t eat your lunch. You didn’t even drink half of your water bottle. And you stayed up too late last night. You better get your homework done [...]
I believe it was Gary Smalley who taught that everyone has an emotional tank. We function at our best when our emotional tank is full.
Here’s how it works.
When an emotional need is met, our tank gets a “deposit.” It fills up a bit.
A hug, an affirming word, a listening ear, laughter, good times together – [...]
I attended my daughter’s Back to School Night last week.
We are blessed to have a great turn-out of parents for such events at the schools.
Parent involvement is the number one factor in student success.
A friend who is a teacher told me of many incidences when she makes an appointment with parents to discuss their [...]
“If I keep asking and asking and asking, eventually my mom will give in.”
Kids have an innate ability to manipulate their parents to get what they want.
When it comes to allowing them to play computer/video games, we as parents are most vulnerable to giving in.
We set time limits and consequences, but somehow, our kids [...]
Are your children spending too much time on computer/video games and won’t stop playing?
Will an Internet Use Contract solve your problem?
When we draft such a contract, we want to make the kid promise to all kinds of restrictions – “I will not play more than 2 hours a day. I will not chat with strangers. [...]
There’s something wrong with the way American kids are being raised today.
Dr. Anne Pierce in her book Ships Without a Shore: America’s Undernurtured Children challenges commonly accepted notions about parenting such as nannys and daycare workers, hyper-structuring, and how Baby Boomers have affected the way we raise our children.
Dr. Pierce gives us good insights [...]
“Mom, what can I have for breakfast?”
I yell from in front of the comfort of my computer screen: “There’s cereal. You can get it yourself.”
My 12-year-old is certainly old enough to get her own breakfast, why should I disturb my ease?
But there were nagging questions going on in my head:
1. Do I want to answer [...]
My mother-in-law often says, “If you treat people well, they will treat you well.”
Do we want our kids to obey us, respect us, and be civil to us?
Then we have to do our part not to annoy our children.
Of course, if I am doing the right thing and my kids don’t like it, I don’t [...]
This is our pet bunny Smokey.
When we tell her to come, she doesn’t come. When we tell her to jump, she doesn’t jump.
But when we dangle a carrot a front of her, she’ll go anywhere the carrot leads!
Dale Carnegie tells this story of of Ralph Waldo Emerson:
One day, Emerson and his son tried to get [...]
When I am shopping, I like to give a compliment to the clerks.
I look hard for something to give a sincere compliment. “That’s a nice necklace you have on” or “I like that color of nail polish on you.”
My ulterior motive is, if I am nice to them, they will give me better service!
Dale Carnegie’s [...]
What do we say to our children when they make an ugly face or cross their eyes?
“Your face and eyes are going to get stuck that way!”
In the same way, we can get into a habit of being negative and critical of our children that we get stuck that way.
Dale Carnegie writes this:
“Often parents are [...]
Have you read the classic How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie?
It’s been more than 10 years since I read it, and I am reading it again.
I am recommending this book for every parent.
The timeless principles in this book has made this a top seller since it was written in the 1930’s. [...]
A friend who doesn’t have kids said today, “I am going to make sure that when I have kids, it’ll be when I am ready and really want them.”
I thought I was ready when I was 29 and had my first child. Yet, being a parent so changed my life beyond what I could’ve imagined.
Do [...]
Honestly, we parents get rather defensive when it comes to people giving us advice about our kids.
Before my brother had his own kids, he would often give me [unsolicited] advice. “Don’t let your son play with that.” or “You’re spoiling him by doing that.”
My response: Wait till you have your own kids.
And sure enough, [...]
“And in a recent report, ACNielsen listed “Desperate Housewives†as the most-watched television show for 9- to 12-year-olds.”
Something is wrong here!
“Innocence Lost”…This is the kind of thing that just breaks my heart. Where are the parents? Where are those who are suppose to be the protector and nurturer of our next generation? Who is keeping [...]
If we were to count up volunteer hours in a community, I bet it would add to to an impressive amount.
Last Friday, I spent almost 4 hours at my daughter’s middle school selling food at their field day activities. There were more than a dozen of us parents helping out, some were there all day.
From [...]
As a parent, we are concern with who our children’s friends are, aren’t we? We know that their peers have a strong influence on the way our children will turn out.
What is the best way for a parent to see who your children hang out with and what they are like when they are with [...]
Male high school teachers have a very tough job. I especially feel for their wives.
When 17 and 18 year-old girls wear tank tops, tight clothes, and short shorts, do you think the men teachers, even the most moral ones, would notice? How can the wives of the teachers compete with these young beauties?
Recently at a [...]
If you have a 16-year-old, I bet you’ve grown more than a few white hairs worrying about your teenager getting his/her driver’s license. I know I have!
My son was in a car accident recently, thank God everyone was alright. It could’ve been worst. But it’s one of those phone calls you don’t want to [...]
Have you ever squeezed too much toothpaste and tried to get it back in? You can’t do it.
It’s the same with words. Out of frustration, we often say things we don’t mean. But once the words are out, you can’t take them back.
Here is a list of things I’ve actually heard parents say [...]
Do we want to teach our children to make the world a better place?
We can’t all be a Mother Teresa. But we can all make the world around us a better place with just a few simple acts that takes hardly any extra effort from us. When our children see our example, they will [...]
Would you agree that you’ve made some mistakes as a parent?
Of course we all know the answer to that question. Everyday I make mistakes that I wish I could do over.
I should have not yelled at my kids. I should have gone to support my daughter’s band competition even though it was pouring rain. I [...]
Photo by kalandrakas
So we all want to be a better parent, right?
I am challenging myself and you along with me to the 30 Days to Better Parenting Challenge.
We do one thing a day for 30 days that will help us become better parents. Sounds doable, doesn’t it?
After 30 days, I hope we would have developed [...]
A friend of mine paid me a huge compliment. It’s not about my hair, or my clothes.
She said, “If you wrote a book on parenting, I would read it.”
I know for a fact that I am not the best mom. Nor do I know all there is to know about raising children. I don’t pretend [...]
